Telltale Signs of A Broken Heart
by chaffsters33
Summary: Six years later, Bella is still alone. Jacob imprinted. Charlie doesn't talk to her. The Cullens are gone. All she has is her music and her new identity, Bella Solitaire. How much will it hurt those she sings about, when they discover her secret? Read!
1. Almost Lover

Disclaimer: I own nothing, except my imagination. Imagiiinatttttionnnnn!

Chapter one: Telltale Signs of A Broken Heart

Bella POV:

It had been six years since I had a meaningful relationship. And not just a romantic relationship, any kind at all. My parents and I barely spoke anymore. I didn't have much to say to them. After graduation, I basically severed all ties with my high school friends. They didn't attempt to keep in touch either.

And then there was Jacob. My beautiful best friend. The one who told me he would never leave me. He left.

But I don't blame him. And even though I miss him, it hurts too much to talk to him. We dated for a few months after my cliff diving incident. That is until he imprinted. He tried to fight it because he knew how much it would hurt me, but he wasn't happy. I told him it was over, packed my belongings, picked up my diploma early and moved out of that godforsaken town.

But I was alright. I had my music and that was all I needed.

6 Years Earlier:

I had taken to doing risky things to see if I could feel anything other than numb. It was like the Cullens' had stolen all of my emotions along with my heart and soul. I parachuted. Nothing. I skied down a double black diamond. Nothing. I went surfing. Nothing. Nothing, Nothing, Nothing. Until the karaoke bar. I stumbled in one dreary night to a popular bar, trying to see if drinking would help me feel anything. I threw back a few shots of tequila, and still nothing. Looking around the bar at all the other people with actual lives I saw a group of wasted girls singing karaoke. I had nothing to lose, I mean, I had NOTHING, so I signed myself up.

I tripped on the steps, eliciting a few chuckles from the crowd and picked my song. I took a deep breath and started to sing the lyrics I already knew very well.

**(Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy)**

Your fingertips across my skin  
The palm trees swaying in the wind  
Images  
You sang me Spanish lullabies  
The sweetest sadness in your eyes  
Clever trick

The lyrics felt so true to me, I felt a fluttering of something in my stomach. It wasn't nerves, I was too at ease for that. I couldn't place what this was.

Well, I never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me

I realized it was the pain I had locked up so deep in my own mind coming to the surface. My voice wavered for a moment, then became stronger than it had ever been. Singing felt right.

[Chorus]  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do

How could he think that I would forget him? He truly knew nothing about me. I supposed that it was good that I wasn't in deeper. At least we never got married and he never changed me.

We walked along a crowded street  
You took my hand and danced with me  
Images  
And when you left, you kissed my lips  
You told me you would never, never forget  
These images

No

Why did he tell me that he wouldn't forget our time together? Did he want tips for the next human?

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy  
I thought you'd want the same for me

[Chorus]  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should've known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean  
I cannot drive the streets at night  
I cannot wake up in the morning  
Without you on my mind  
So you're gone and I'm haunted  
And I bet you are just fine

Did I make it that  
Easy to walk right in and out  
Of my life?

Did I really mean so little? Were they all pretending to love me? I knew for sure Rosalie hadn't been. I'm beginning to think she was the only one who did not approve of their plan to screw with me. I wish I could thank her.

[Chorus]  
Goodbye, my almost lover  
Goodbye, my hopeless dream  
I'm trying not to think about you  
Can't you just let me be?  
So long, my luckless romance  
My back is turned on you  
Should have known you'd bring me heartache  
Almost lovers always do

After so many months of nothing, I embraced the pain. It was refreshing. It was like cold wind biting my raw skin. Tears gathered in my eyes, but I blinked them away. I didn't hear the booming applause, resonating through the bar, nor the stunned silence that came before it. Apparently, I was good. My feet tangled in the cord of the microphone and I nearly fell off the stage. Someone caught me and pulled me back stage. His name was Steve, and he was a small time talent agent with a tiny studio. He asked me if I needed an agent. Even through the pain I was feeling, I knew that it was better than feeling nothing.

Steve helped me record an album and promote my image. After just six months a much larger record company signed me and put me on a tour. I changed my name because I didn't want to be found. I cut off ties with my old life and began a new one. I was no longer Bella Swan, I was Bella Solitaire. French for Bella Lonely. I thought it was fitting.

**A/n: Whaddya think? If there's anything you would like to see, or a song you want Bella to sing tell me in a review. And please review! I would really appreciate it.**


	2. Numb

**Hi peoples. First off, I just want to say thank you so much to my reviewers. You really inspired me to keep writing, even if it is only for a few people. This chapter is for you guys. Again, please review and tell me what you think!**

**Chapter 2: Numb**

"Singing saved my life. Truly, it did. I think that without singing, I would be the shell of a person I am now." I boredly told my date. I was on another mundane date with another man who just wanted to see up my skirt. My record label thought it would help promote my image if I went out more often. I would much rather be mysterious and sit at home with a copy of Pride and Prejudice and a bowl of Starbucks Coffee ice cream. But alas, I was a star now. I had responsibilities to the label.

The young Hollywood phenomenon I was on a date with, _what was his name?--_oh yeah, Joe something or other. Oh right, Jonas. Joe Jonas. He might just be the most vain, boring person I'd ever been out with. And purity ring my ass. He'd checked out at least three other girls before our drinks came. I ordered the legendary long island iced tea. If I had to be here, I might as well be mind numbingly drunk. It sounded like a good plan.

"um, Miss Solitaire?" The pudgy club owner inquired, "It truly is wonderful to have you here tonight, do you think you could sing us just one song?"She looked so hopeful I couldn't say no. Downing a shot of tequila, I stood in my skinny stilettos and walked to the stage without a second glance at Jeff, or Jeeves or whoever the hell he was. Whatever, some teeny bopper was probably lurking the table to keep him company.

The anticipation of the stage called to me. It was all I could do to stop myself from running up the steps to the microphone. My songs helped me _feel _something for once. And, as sadistic as it sounds, I loved the pain it caused me. It reminded me I wasn't dead.

I looked out at the audience, but realized that once the stage lights had been turned on, they were invisible.

"How you all doing tonight? I'm Bella Solitaire, and for tonight, I am your personal songbird." I smiled seductively, the way my agent taught me to. That was an interesting lesson.

I whispered to the band the song I wanted to play and waited for the music to kick in. My eyes closed ad my breathing deepened. I slowly opened my eyes and began to sing to the pulsing beat.

This song hurt a lot to sing. It was about how I always knew that I wasn't good enough. Wasn't pretty enough. Wasn't smart enough. Wasn't strong enough. Not for him at least. Not for me either.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be,  
Feeling so faithless lost under the surface  
i Don't know what you are expecting of me  
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)

[Chorus]  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware,  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

I wish that I could be who I was before him. Even if she was plain and boring. As hard as I held on to my memories of him, sometimes I wished that it was all a dream. Well, up until the nightmarish end.

Can't you see that you're smothering me  
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control

I now saw how his "protectiveness" was really possessiveness, preventing me from having a life out side of him and his family. Had he wanted it to hurt this badly?

Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart right in front of you ooooo  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)  
And every second I waste is more than I can take

[Chorus]  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me with someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
Become so tired so much more aware,  
I'm becoming this all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
I've become so numb I can't feel you there  
I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Each time I sang in front of people, the numbness that was a constant trait of mine stayed away for a little longer. It helped me feel normal. Tortured as I was, at least it was something. I smiled at the crowd. In that instant a flash went off in the back of the crowd and I saw a flicker of blonde hair and short black spikes moving towards the stage. In my post-singing emotional state, I did the most logical thing to do. I fell off the stage.

**A/NI thought that was a good little spot to stop at. If you have any question or things you want clarified, just ask. Any suggestions, criticisms, heck, if you want to tell me it sucks go right ahead. **

**I really do appreciate every one of you who takes the time to write a review. Thank you to both of my reviewers! (yes, there are only two at this point!) **

**Haha, I just told my mom I was writing a Twilight fanfiction and she smiled and said, Yay You finally have a hobby!**


	3. Say it Ain't So

**Hi everybody! Thank you for all of your wonderful reviews! I'm really busy this week doing my science fair project and it helped me unstress when I saw how many reviews I had gotten. So thank you veddy much. I'd sing you a song, but I have the slightest inkling that you wouldn't be able to hear it :/ Alas! Here is chapter 3!**

**Disclaimer: I own zilch.**

**Chapter 3: Say it Ain't So**

Some burly man in the front row of the crowd caught me and set me on my feet. Being as small as I was, it was nearly impossible to see anything past this giant lumberjack of a man. I was panicking, checking to make sure that the blond and the black was no where near me.

Even if it was _them_, I was sure I would be pretty damn unrecognizable in my short minidress and heels, with a full face of makeup. Truthfully, I barely recognized myself. I'd gotten a tattoo on my arm of an arrow pierced apple, and a piercing through my nose. I wasn't quite sure why I didn't want them to find me. In the back of my mind, I knew that even though singing had helped me feel something, the numbness was the only thing that was keeping me alive. Seeing them again would cripple my senses, but seeing him would kill me. I prayed to every god I could think of that even if Alice and Rosalie were here, he wouldn't be. I was just starting to get my life on track, I couldn't revert back to how I was at the beginning.

My panic subsided when I saw the blonde and black haired girls across the club with their backs turned to me. I could handle this. There was no need for me to fall apart when I saw someone with their same hair colors. I knew I had my concert to finish so I gave a dazzling smile to lumberjack dude and he lifted me back on the stage. The bright lights prevented me from seeing the crowd and helped me focus.

"Sorry everybody, I guess I've just had a few too many! Hard liquor and high heels don't mix very well!" The worried crowd laughed with me. "Let's celebrate my act of clumsiness with another song, this is Say It Ain't So." I picked up my guitar and started the song

**(Say it Ain't So by Weezer—One of my favorite songs, and as always any bolded words are my changes)**

Oh yeah.  
All right.

Somebody's Heine' is crowdin' my icebox  
Somebody's cold one is givin' me chills  
Guess I'll just close my eyes

Oh yeah  
Alright  
Feels good  
Inside

Flip on the tele'  
Wrestle with **Emmett**  
Something is bubbling  
Behind my back  
The bottle is ready to blow

The blonde and the black haired girls whipped around at the mention of Emmett. Even through the bright lights I could see their perfect faces. Oh no. It was them. I closed my eyes and begged myself to be able to finish the song. I could handle this. Breathe in. Breathe out.

Say it ain't so  
Your drug is a heartbreaker  
Say it ain't so  
My love is a lifetaker

Their eyes softened at the story in my song. They knew their family was a drug to me. I was addicted and they cut me off cold turkey. My normal life had been taken from me. I missed it.

I can't confront you  
I never could do  
That which might hurt you  
So try and be cool  
When I say  
This way is a waterslide away from me that takes you further every day (hey)  
So be cool

Say it ain't so  
Your drug is a heartbreaker  
Say it ain't so  
My love is a lifetaker

Dear Daddy,  
I write you in spite of years of silence.  
You've cleaned up, found Jesus,  
things are good or so I hear.  
This bottle of Steven's  
awakens ancient feelings.  
Like father, stepfather, the **daughter **is drowning in the flood

This part of the song reflected my increasingly strained relationship with Charlie. I missed my daddy. I missed how he used to care about what happened to me.

Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah.

Say it ain't so  
Your drug is a heartbreaker  
Say it ain't so  
My love is a lifetaker.........

I let the music trail out before I looked up. Rosalie was muttering quickly in to her sleek silver phone. I prayed to whatever forces out there that maybe she was ordering a pizza instead of talking to the person I wanted to see most and least. I doubted it though. Even if she did eat, she wouldn't eat pizza. Well, maybe Thai food..? I had to get a grip on myself. I was going a little crazy. I could see my manager in the wings of the stage and I knew he would block me from leaving without another song or two. I needed to speed this up if I wanted to stay as far as I could from that family.

I signaled to the band what the next song would be and kicked off the beginning guitar. The violin player started with the haunting tune.

**(Stop and Stare by OneRepublic)**

This town is colder now, I think it's sick of us  
It's time to make our move, I'm shakin' off the rust  
I've got my heart set on anywhere but here  
I'm staring down myself, counting up the years

I wrote this song when I first left Forks. Time had been slowly passing and each second in that pool of memories felt like a century.

Steady hands, just take the wheel...  
And every glance is killing me  
Time to make one last appeal for the life I lead

I reflected on how he used to take care of me when I was weak. And how weak I was as he was leaving me. How I begged him not to. I should have been stronger.

Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be, oh  
Stop and stare  
You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need  
Oh, can you see what I see

They're tryin' to come back, all my senses push  
Untie the weight bags, I never thought I could...  
Steady feet, don't fail me now  
I'ma run till you can't walk  
But something pulls my focus out  
And I'm standing down...

Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
Yeah I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be, oh  
Stop and stare

I'd become emotionless and numb. I felt worthless unless I was singing. I needed to feel wanted and worthwhile again.

You start to wonder why you're here not there  
And you'd give anything to get what's fair  
But fair ain't what you really need  
Oh, You don't need...

They didn't need to see me this way. I didn't want to guilt trip them in to returning to me. That wasn't how I wanted my life to turn out either.

What you need, what you need...

Stop and stare  
I think I'm moving but I go nowhere  
And I know that everyone gets scared  
But I've become what I can't be  
Oh, do you see what I see...

Out of the corner of my eye I saw that a few more had joined Alice and Rosalie's group. I didn't dare look up at them. My manager would not be happy if I fell again and was labeled an "alcoholic" or "druggie"

I pasted a smile on my face, I could tell that no one believed it. I felt tears forming in my eyes and I blinked them away. One more song Bella. You can do this. I shifted uncomfortably in my too short dress and announced that this would be the last song.

**(Boulevard of Broken Dreams by Greenday)**

I walk a lonely road  
The only one that I have ever known  
Don't know where it goes  
But it's home to me and I walk alone

My life was defined by the fact that I was alone. I had learned to live with it. It took all my strength to keep my gaze off the Cullens. I stared straight ahead.

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of broken dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk alone

I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I walk alone

There were always days that I wished that the Cullens would come take me away and bring me home, but I rarely let myself hope for this.

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ahhh-Ah  
Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah

I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line of the edge  
And where I walk alone

Read between the lines of what's  
Fucked up and everything's all right  
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive  
And I walk alone

this is what my singing was about. Checking to see if I was alive and could live again. I felt pathetic at times for letting one family affect my life in such a way, but there was nothing I could do about it. If there was a magic button to make me stop caring I would do whatever it took to press it. But there were no easy ways out in life.

I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk alone  
I walk a

My shadow's the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there would find me  
'Til then I'll walk alone...

Ah-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah  
Ahhh-Ah Ah-Ah Ah-Ah  
I walk alone  
I walk a

I walk this empty street  
On the Boulevard of broken dreams  
Where the city sleeps  
And I'm the only one and I walk a...

My shadows the only one that walks beside me  
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating  
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me  
'Til then I'll walk alone

The song was done. The concert was done and I could finally get away. I said goodbye and thank to my fans, making a point not to let my gaze travel to the family I could see encroaching on the stage. I turned around and took a few steps without remembering to put the microphone back on the stand and tripped over the cord. Again I tumbled off the stage. Lumberjack dude caught me and set me upright.

I laughed nervously into the microphone and said, "Well thank god for you Lumberjack dude. That's twice you saved my ass tonight. Um--" I broke off looking around frantically, I made eye contact with Rosalie. She opened her mouth to say something but I turned away, "You can come with me Lumberjack dude, ok lets go." He lifted me back to the stage and I discarded my shoes and ran past my manager into the dressing room. I slumped on my vanity and tried to control my hyperactive breathing. I looked around for a paper bag to breathe in to. A knock on the door interrupted my search.

"Miss Solitaire? There are a few fans out here. They say their friends of yours."

I panicked, "Um, tell them that I am, uh, very sick. Food poisoning. Bad sushi, you know. Salmonella. A little bit of E. Coli bacteria. Bleghhhh! And all that. Its not cute. I'll get them some signed stuff later."

A slight scuffle was heard beyond the door.

"Bella." I froze. My vision was tunneling in at the pain of hearing his smooth, velvety voice. I sank to the floor and struggled against the whole in my chest that was tearing my heart. What did they want from me?

**Wiki pow! Chapter three. How is everyone? Tell me what you think/ what you think is going to happen. Any song suggestions, criticisms are welcome. Please review! I luhhh you guys!**


	4. Hush

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except for Lumberjack dude. Awesome.**

**I am here to bring you chapter-o del four-0. It's like one in the morning and I'm really hyper, so I decided to be useful.**

**Chapter 4: Hush.**

I stayed as still and silent as I could. Still, there was no doubt in my mind that they would be able to hear my ragged breathing and thumping heart. I took one deep breath and held it while I stood up and backed into the far corner of the dressing room.

The guy from backstage nervously repeated, "Miss Solitaire, they say they are the, uh, Cullens? If you want I can get security for you."

I was not entirely sure that even if I wanted the burly security team to drag them away, if they would be able to. I didn't want to cause a scene at the very beginning of my career at the hottest club in LA. I had to be a big girl and deal with this. I adjusted my dress and put my shoes back before I approached the door.

My mind was racing for the correct way to approach this situation. Should I be angry? Should I be sad? Should I say hello politely and walk away? After about a half second of contemplating this I decided I would pretend I wasn't pathetic Bella Swan. I could be strong, confident Bella Solitaire.

"That won't be necessary. I'll be out in one second." I plastered a smile on my face and emerged from the spacious dressing room. There they were in all of their glory. Looking at me with varying looks of happiness, confusion and pity. I could barely stand it. My years of emotionless living had allowed me to perfect a blank smile. I used all of my strength to keep that smile on my face.

"Hey. I'm sorry, I don't believe we've met. Maybe I'm mistaken?" I pondered innocently. Alice stepped forward. In my tall heels I towered over her.

"Bella, Bella Swan? Don't you remember me? I'm Alice." Her face didn't seem convinced that I didn't know her. None of theirs did. I thought of how Jasper could feel my tortured emotions with his special sense. I needed to get away, my act was slipping quickly.

"No, sorry, my last name is Solitaire. You must have me confused with someone el--"

"BELLA! They want an encore! You were doing great tonight! Don't screw this up now. Get your skinny ass back on that stage and for gods sake if you fall off one more time I'm going to break that damn CD of piano music you are constantly listening to!" Steve, my manager bellowed. Never had I ever been more grateful for his over the top personality. I slipped passed the thunderstruck Cullens and grabbed my guitar from Steve. He playfully smacked my butt on my way to the stage earning a growl or two from Edward and Emmett. I turned and crushed my heel on his foot. He yelped in pain and glared at me. I glared back.

"Do that again and you'll be needing a new client." I threatened before I sauntered back to the stage.

The crowd was ecstatic that I was back with a few more songs. I, however, was barely holding it together. I could feel the intense gaze of all seven of them on my back.

"A-Alright so this is another new song I wrote myself, it's called Hush."

**(Hush by Automatic Loveletter, such a beautiful song. Please go listen to it. any changed lyrics will be bolded)**

I sat at the small piano that was on the stage. My voice was full of emotion that I was trying to suppress. The crowd got very quiet as they listened to the music.

This is as quiet as it gets  
hush down now  
go to sleep  
we were once perfect me and you  
will never leave this room

I knew Edward's eyes were burning holes in my back, but he couldn't control my music. I loved this song.

Huh Huh Huh Hush  
you color my eyes red  
your loves not live its dead  
this letters written itself inside out again  
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends  
Hush this is where it ends

Our relationship had ended and I had cried my tears out. I liked to try and tell myself that I was beginning to get over it. I wasn't so sure though.

This is the calming before the storm  
this absolution is always incomplete  
its always bittersweet

Huh Huh Huh Hush  
you color my eyes red  
your loves not live its dead  
this letters written itself inside out again  
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends  
Huh Huh H Hush this is where it ends

My tears were fighting more and more to break free, but the barrier my mind had put up was stopping them. My voice was more powerful than I had ever heard it. Each note was real and honest.

**You **wont make a sound so **I** don't wake  
**I** don't wake **I** don't wake **I **don't wake **I** don't wake

I wondered if it would have been better if he had never said goodbye at all. Just stolen away in the darkness at night while I thought I was still safe in his arms. I glanced back without meaning too and saw their faces. Pain, and other things I did not recognize. I didn't understand. Why would it hurt them?

Hush  
you color my eyes red  
your loves not live its dead  
this letters written itself inside out again  
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends  
Huh Huh Huh Hush this is where it ends  
you color my eyes red  
your loves not live its dead  
this letters written itself inside out again  
when rivers turn to roads and lovers become trends  
H H H Hush this is where it ends  
This is where it ends

A stunned silence hit my ears when the music died away. A slow clap, just like in the movies, started and built and built and built until I couldn't even hear myself think. My heart soar and stuttered a the unfamiliar happiness I felt.

I blinked back tears of gratitude for the crowd and walked back to the main microphone and the front of the stage.

"Thank you everyone. I'm going to play one more song tonight. It's called that Girl Had Love. And that girl was me"

**(That Girl Has Love by Rooney)**

I don't know a lot about her  
But she, she knew a lot about me  
**His** family seemed to love her  
If what they say is true  
Her friends all shared the good times  
Man, that girl **had** love  
That girl **had**...

I, I didn't have a clue then  
That a kiss  
Would change my whole life again  
**he** **climbed **into my room  
When I was all alone  
**he** told me I would date **him** from  
**February **till **September**

She doesn't know  
Things will never be the same again  
H**e'll** always be 17  
That girl **had** love

I never thought I would experience so many of those moments that define your life

because of the great change they bring to it.

She kept all the pain inside  
Now she has got nothing to hide  
At such a young age  
**They took her whole life**  
Now she's seeing things that come in  
**Her** dreams at night  
She's a dreamer

When my dreams were not nightmares, they were about things I had wanted for his and my future.

Future's that did not exist anymore.

She doesn't know  
Things will never be the same again  
**he'll **always be 17  
That girl **had** love (love)

That was too real to ever be fake  
That was too strong to be ever be forgotten  
That girl **had** love

It was absolute insanity for him to think that I could just forget him and move on. He had been my whole life,

and I though I was his.

Love, love, love, love, love, love...

She doesn't know  
Things will never be the same again  
**he'll** always be 17

That girl **had**

That girl had  
That girl **had **love

I had to face them now. I could no longer pretend that I didn't know who they were. But I felt stronger. I could not let them break me again. Not while I was finally putting the pieces of my life together.

I blew my audience a kiss and began to walk off the stage while looking at the floor. It seemed to be the longest three yards I had ever walked. Their group was huddled a few feet back in the wings of the stage. They seemed to be having one of their rapid fire vampire conversations. I didn't want to know the subject.

Before I could finish the journey that felt like a death march Steve practically tackled me to the ground.

"You've been holding out on me Solitaire! I cannot even fathom the kind of publicity you will get for that song!. Absolutely hauntingly beautiful! You can do whatever you want tonight, but tomorrow we've got meetings, recordings, an interview and I'm going to try and get a director for a music video." He kissed my cheek exuberantly and scampered off. Damn. No back up.

I looked up. The Cullens had formed a half circle around me. I couldn't bring myself to look at their faces. I didn't need any new mental images. The thousands I already had would suffice.

"Hi." I whispered. One single tear escaped my eye and trickled down my cheek.

**The End. For now. Tell me what you think! Review Review Review Please! It makes me feel important! And go listen to Automatic Loveletter. The lead singer, Juliet Simms, is absolutely amazing. Songs suggestions, criticism, flames, plot suggestions, questions, its all welcome to me!**


	5. Makeup Smeared Eyes

**Thank you for your lovely reviews! You are all my new best friends. Let's go party. We can go to the zoo and free some animals!**

**Chapter 5: Makeup Smeared Eyes**

I wiped away my tear quickly. I wasn't going to lose it right now. I tucked my thick hair behind my ear and looked up. Each one of them was staring intently at me. Emmett had an arm around Rosalie who looked upset. Alice seemed close to tears and Jasper looked at me pityingly. I averted my gaze from him. I didn't need him to make me feel any more pathetic than I already knew I was.

I could tell Carlisle was having one of his mental conversations with Edward. I didn't dare look at him. The silence had become deafening, even with the loud sounds of the club behind me, still screaming my name.

_Bella..Bella..Bella_

Esme took a step over to me and I automatically flinched back. I wobbled in my heels. She looked so hurt but returned to her place next to Carlisle. I was becoming even more uncomfortable and beginning to think that I couldn't handle this.

"I, um, I-I .." I stuttered, grasping at any excuse to get away, "I have to go now. Things to do, people to see you know." I smiled a fake half smile, "Nice to see you all again."

I turned and tried to go the other way as fast as my clumsy feet could take me.

"Bella, wait!" Edward spoke for the first time and grabbed my hand. It felt like my hand had been dipped in an electrical current. In my haste to jerk away, I put one foot over the other and stumbled, before beginning to fall.

Three things happened in a very quick succession. Emmett caught me by the arms and set me up right without letting go. Alice broke away from Jasper and engulfed me in a hug. I then started to panic and hyperventilate, my eyes darting for any chance at escape. I did not understand. Why wouldn't they let me go? I needed to get away. Black dots were dancing in front of my eyes.

"Enough!" Carlisle bellowed. Immediately Emmett and Alice's arms were gone, only to be replaced by Carlisle's reassuring hand on my shoulder as he led me over to the dressing room.

I collapsed against the mint green couch in the dressing room, still breathing hard. Carlisle shut the door and sat next to me.

"Bella--" He began. I stopped him.

"Why are you here?"

"Rosalie and Alice called us and told us that someone who looked uncannily like a missing part of our family was here. Obviously we got here before the song was over. Bella you are extremely talented."

"Don't lie to me Carlisle."

"No, truly Bella you have a gift for singing."

"I mean, don't lie and say I' m part of your family. We both know that was never true." I said sadly. Why would _Carlisle _of all people lie to me? What did they want from me?

"Bella, we have missed you since the day we left. You are an imperative part to this family and we were broken without you. Just as you were broken without us. We merely left because Edward thought you were not safe around us. I have regretted every day the compromise I made with him to make us leave. I know you are hurting just as badly as we are right now. Please, just talk to us. Talk to Edward."

"You are wrong." I said fiercely. "I haven't felt anything since you left. I've been numb. I lost my friends, my family, my everything. I dedicated my life to finding something that would make me _feel _again without killing me. " I wrapped my arms around my stomach and looked Carlisle straight in the eye. "Do you want me to talk to you about how I was left all alone in the woods?Do you want talk about how Charlie kicked me out of the house? Or about the time I tried cutting myself? How about the week I tried to get addicted heroin and cocaine?" His eyes were open wide and shocked as I showed his the scars and track marks near long one from my 18th birthday. I could hear the Cullens making noises in surprise outside the door.

I couldn't stop myself, the words kept pouring from my mouth. "Do you want to know about my werewolf boyfriend? The one who imprinted on another girl?" Loud growls came through the door. Knowing he was here didn't stop me from continuing my story. "You want to know about the time I had sex with him and got pregnant?" Carlisle and I were both standing now, and my voice was rising with every word. He grabbed my arm and I slapped it away. Tears filled my eyes and I got very quiet. "Are we going to talk about the abortion he made me get when he told me he was leaving for her?"

I could hear someone yanking at the door knob and the rest of the Cullens were trying to talk to me through the door. Carlisle pulled me into a hug and tried to whisper comforting words to me, but I couldn't take it.

"Please," I whispered, "I can't do this right now." Carlisle kissed the top of my head and began to leave just as Edward and Alice tumbled through the door.

"Kids, we've done enough damage for one night. Its time to go." Their faces fell at the exact same moment, if the situation was better I probably would have laughed. I locked eyes with the one man who ever had my heart. The one who didn't want it anymore. I locked the door behind them and picked up my guitar. I wanted to play right now. It was the only thing to keep me from falling apart. Steve would not appreciate me if I fell apart now. I just needed to hold it together for a little while longer.

**(Makeup Smeared Eyes, Automatic Loveletter any changed words are bolded)**

Left your t-shirt in my room  
Still smells of you  
And the picture you** hid in the floor**  
Lay smashed, picture perfect  
Explains now  
Clearly nothing left but a memory

I had found all the things he put in my floor when he left. The pictures, the CD, and the plane tickets all wrapped in his white t-shirt. I'd slept in it for a month.

We **never** made out  
You **barely** kissed me  
That's how I learned to hold back all feeling

Wait, please don't go  
I won't stay  
All these words on replay  
I'm **not **okay  
It's **not **all right  
Good to know that you're fine

Pretending everything is right to make it better  
I'll hide my make-up smeared eyes  
To show that I'm fine

That's all I did for everyone. Pretended. I was not okay. And seeing them again made me believe that I never would be.

Some how you have managed to get under my skin  
More than anyone ever did  
And if every hole makes a scar  
And every scar marks its place  
Then I will never live freely without your trace

My human memories may be nothing but a sieve, but what about the scars they had left?

And it'll never be fair  
I wrote my songs for you and you never even cared

So I'll forget you

I'll wash your t-shirt and kill the pillow

And cut you out of pictures

Wait, please don't go  
I won't stay  
All these words on replay  
I'm **not **okay  
It's **not **all right  
Good to know that you're fine

The conversation we had while he was leaving was a constant refrain in my mind. My pathetic begging and his adamant claim that he didn't want me. Had he been lying? Or were they lyring when they siad they loved me?

Pretending everything is right to make it better  
I'll hide my make-up smeared eyes

This drama sat shotgun  
My eyes rained like autumn  
Only the glove box knows how the story goes  
Now that this bandage is broken  
And the cuts left in open  
I'll tell you just one thing  
This wasn't worth the sting

This drama sat shotgun  
My eyes rained like autumn  
Only the glove box knows how the story goes  
Now that this bandage is broken  
And the cuts left in open  
I'll tell you just one thing  
This wasn't worth the sting

This drama sat shotgun  
My eyes rained like autumn  
Only the glove box knows how the story goes  
Now that this bandage is broken  
And the cuts left in open  
I'll tell you just one thing

This wasn't worth the sting

I put down the guitar and for the first time since he had left, I started to cry.

**Ok, so next chapter I think i'm going to have some Cullen POV. This chapter is different than I had originally planned but I think I like it. I don't like it when Bella sees the Cullens again and all of a sudden BAM! FORGIVENESS! And I felt like Bella could not handle all of them at once so I had Carlisle talk to her. Cuz Carlisle's awesome.**

**REVIEW PEOPLE! IT MAKES ME HAPPY :]**


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